Grief in the Postnatal Period: Finding Support and Holding onto Normality
- larenadoula
- Aug 18
- 2 min read
The postnatal period is often imagined as a time filled with love, bonding, and settling into life with your baby. But sometimes, life delivers joy and heartbreak in the same breath. For many families, grief can arrive at the very moment they are meant to be celebrating new life, and the result is an emotional landscape that feels almost impossible to navigate.
I know this from experience. When my mother-in-law passed away, my first son was only eight months old. More recently, my second son was just three months old when we lost another much-loved member of our family. Both times, I found myself trying to juggle the exhaustion and hormonal changes of the postnatal period while also carrying the weight of grief. Not just my own, but my family’s too.
It was incredibly hard to stay emotionally present for my husband and children while my own heart felt broken. I tried to hold everything together, but at times I made mistakes. I prioritised the wrong things, I said things I didn’t mean in moments of exhaustion, and I struggled with guilt about not doing enough. What kept us moving forward was honesty, open communication, and the unwavering love within our family unit.
This experience opened my eyes to how many new mothers must go through similar situations, often quietly. Grief in the postnatal period is rarely spoken about, yet it happens far more often than we realise. And when it does, it can feel as though the joy of early motherhood has been taken from you. Those feelings, of sadness, anger, frustration, even resentment, are all valid.
What can help is support, real, non-judgemental support that allows you to grieve, adjust, and still find joy in your baby. That’s why I feel so strongly about the role of a postnatal doula.
A doula can:
Provide a calm and compassionate presence when life feels overwhelming.
Listen without judgement, so you don’t have to bottle everything up or place your emotions onto loved ones who are grieving too.
Take on practical tasks in the home so you can spend your energy where it matters most.
Celebrate your baby’s milestones and your daily wins, even in the midst of sadness.
Remind you that looking after yourself is not selfish, but necessary.
A doula cannot take away the pain of loss, but they can stand beside you, helping you hold your family together while giving you the space to heal. They can bring small pockets of normality to your days and offer reassurance when everything feels too heavy.
To every mother navigating grief in the postnatal period: you are not alone, and you are not failing. You are surviving something incredibly difficult while also caring for new life. That makes you extraordinary.
If you’d like to talk more about how a postnatal doula can support you through grief, or if you simply need someone to listen, I’d love to hear from you. You don’t have to carry this alone.
Larri Whiteway
@larenadoula
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